Run and Shoot Fangirls

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"Crap crap crap crap crap!" I growled to myself as I dove out the hole in the wall, brandishing the swords at any of the raving fangirls who got too close. This was, I admitted to myself, not a very good long-term strategy. Sooner or later one of them would notice that I was trying my damnedest not to seriously hurt any of them, and then they'd just all swarm me.

"FOR RUHODESU SAMA!" came a cry to my left, and I hurriedly parried the sparkly wand thingie with my wakizashi.

"Augh, damn you all... stop chasing me!" I yelled as I disengaged as fast as I could, pausing only to do a shoulder-roll as a trio of shuriken passed by. "For god's sake, I'm not even attracted to men!" I pounded down a different corner as fast as my feet would take me. Which wasn't fast enough for this to be a viable solution.

"Crap on a crutch... Dee!" She phased into view.

"Hai, bosslady... ooh, you got yourself in trouble this time!" The little hologram floated along with me but peered curiously over my shoulder.

"No kidding; find a place for me to hide... no wait, better yet, get ahold of B!" Another few random turns, and then another shout of discovery took place while I was waiting for her to pick up. More muttered expletives.

"Yeah, KJ? What's up?"

"One of the standard girltype Ranma tropes," I blurted out before having to pause and duck another thrown weapon, which gave a couple Senshi time to get within close combat range. I was too busy avoiding attacks to elaborate, but I could hear Dee and B conversing in the background.

"What's that mean, KJ?"

"Ah, he's busy, this is Dee. I think he means the bit where a gigantic horde of fangirls pursuing a bishounen who is hiding, come across him when he is talking to an attractive female who for one reason or another has no reason to be attracted to him. Nevertheless, they assume that she's a suitor and seek to attack and kill her to prevent the situation with the bishounen from being resolved."

"Whoa... it's kinda impressive you know him well enough to figure out what he means in such detail," B commented.

"Actually, I'm summing up the last 15 minutes."

"Heh. Hey wait, did you say rabid fangirls!?" I growled as I finally managed to make a hole in the group of Senshi and find another route to run away through.

"Yes," I replied, "and I don't have any non-lethal weaponry."

"I'll be right there!" B replied and signed off.

"Dee, do you have to be such a smartass?" I muttered.

"Yep. Oooh, might want to duck again." I did so and brought the katana up against the shaft of the naginata that passed through where my torso was, severing the head but leaving the wielder with a fairly serviceable staff.

"Figures." Damned AI, of course she had to think like me.

Elena van Oorebeek

"No, no no! Dammit, you can't think of it like *that*!" I waved my arms in the air and cursed. Mal had shoved me in with a bunch of stormtroopers, and they had turned out to be a pretty friendly bunch. We'd set up camp at a bar, and true to form, I was in a vigorous debate with some guy over different philosophies about 'the Force'.

"Well, why not? You've got this sort of thing repeating all through history..."

"Bullshit. Bullshit." I slapped a hand on the table, my hair stirring somewhere above. "It's like air, you can't say it's good or bad...crap!" My cellphone went off. "Sorry, luv, lemme get this."

The 'trooper grinned and raised his pint. "I'm still right."

"No the bloody hell you are NOT...dammit!" The cellphone continued to ring and I grabbed it, glaring good-naturedly at the trooper. For a moment, there was only the sounds of cursing. Ah ha. "Yeah, KJ? What's up?"

"One of the standard girltype Ranma tropes." He spoke rapidly, and then was cut off to the sound of clashing. I blinked. Ranma? He must be in his girly form...I wasn't as familiar with the series, but obviously something of the 'sure we'll laugh about this years later' type was going on.

"What's that mean, KJ?"

"Ah, he's busy, this is Dee. I think he means the bit where a gigantic horde of fangirls pursuing a bishounen who is hiding, come across him when he is talking to an attractive female who for one reason or another has no reason to be attracted to him. Nevertheless, they assume that she's a suitor and seek to attack and kill her to prevent the situation with the bishounen from being resolved."

"Hey, onee-chan. Oh deary deary me." I waved off the 'trooper. "Sorry, this'll take a bit." I turned back to the cell and grinned. "Whoa... it's kinda impressive you know him well enough to figure out what he means in such detail."

"Actually, I'm summing up the last 15 minutes."

"Heh. Hey wait, did you say rabid fangirls!?" I bolted my chair away from the table with a screech loud enough to cause the other 'troopers to look up.

"Yes," KJ replied, coming back on the line and growling with frustration. "And I don't have any non-lethal weaponry."

"I'll be right there!" I replied and signed off, already moving towards the doorway. I waved to the 'troopers. "See ya later, thanks for the drinks!"

I probably shouldn't have been giggling as much as I was. Fangirls...gorramit. There was nothing I hated more then a bunch of ravenous, mindless amoratii, to use the Latin. KJ didn't carry non lethal weapons, but I usually did. I'm too nice to get into serious fights, but I'm not stupid, and a solid *looking* Mace[tm] was usually enough to make people think twice. Of course, I did have the real one with me as well...

I shifted the weight around as I ran. Not the fastest, but I had sticking power. There was the real Mace on my back, the Poker and fake Mace on my belt, and the other thing tucked snugly next to the Mace on my back. If someone thought I was overarmed, they obviously hadn't been to many cons. At least in my opinion.

"More then enough to deal with a horde...ah ha, what have we here?" As they say, to find something or someone, just follow the screams. There were a few straggling fangirls streaming into a slightly open area ahead. Hmmm.

"Hey, ladies!" I shouted and grinned, coming up behind them and drawing the Poker. They tried to turn as I hooked it around one of their knees and jerked, bring the three of them into a messy pile. This caused a loud wailing, especially when I trod on them for good measure, seeking a round about way to get in front of KJ.

"That's not kawaiiiii!"

"Oh, shut up." A few extra trods and I was off.

I found a side passage, scrabbled up a low series of containers, and looked down. KJ was, to put it lightly, in a tight spot. Those girls looked especially pissed. "Bugger me...who the hell gave them those weapons? Hell on a *stick*, who the fuck tries to kill someone over...oh, bugger this." I drew the fake Mace and leaped down, grunting as I landed.

"Hey, kisama!" I addressed the mob, who backed off slightly in surprise. I'd knocked down a few of their number when I jumped, and KJ was grabbing a much deserved breather. "Ah ah ah." I darted forward and gave one girl a much deserved tap on the head with the fake Mace as she tried to get around me. "KJ, you holding up all right?"

"Been better." He grimaced when I looked over my shoulder. I grinned, maybe a little to widely.

"It's sweet, you bringing all these idiots...geez!" We both ducked as some ninja stars came whirring from one of the mob. "Fuck off, you lot, don't make me warn you again." I tossed the fake Mace to KJ. "Looks like the won't listen to reason."

"They do that?" KJ snorted and grabbed it. "Thanks."

"No problem." The mob surged forward again, and this time I drew the Poker.

The metallic *zwing* was enough to give them pause. I gently removed my bandana, allowing the infamous white hair to gather their attention. "All right, ladies, now. You have to options. Leave my friend alone, or get in a fight you're not going to win."

KJ came up beside me, and I could tell he was probably eyeing my hair with vague interest as well. I didn't usually uncover it often, and it was just now weaving into a rigidly tight french braid. One of the girls sputtered something in Japanese. KJ responded, and then there was some more muttered cursing. Then he looked over at me.

"Umm, they're not buying it."

"Oh deary deary me." I smiled pleasantly, and leaped into the fray. There was a few minutes hard fighting, and then we both had to run for it. I gaped at KJ as we ran. "Gorram, what the hell?"

"Eh, the usual. They're mad over bishounen."

"Gods, *bishis*" I muttered to myself as we reached another clearing. "All right, I've had enough of this shit. Stand back." I stopped and pivoted on one heel, facing the horde of pursuing fangirls. In a motion I'd practiced quite a lot on the ship, I sheathed the Poker and drew the *other thing* from my back. KJ, who'd skidded to a stop, was trying his best to keep his face straight.

It was funny as hell the way the girls piled into each other as the first row came to a rigid halt. The first row was now staring down the barrel of my custom crafted Strohl BH-209I. I pulled the trigger ever so slightly, and the ominous hummmmm was enough to cause anyone in ear shot to freeze. Hot damn, I thought. This is what I live for.

"Now, ladies, we're all very tired from running, and I'm sure there's been some serious misunderstanding on your part in regards to the redhead's," I jerked a free thumb over my shoulder, "Intentions. Believe me, hshe isn't interested in your bloody bishounen." I shifted the weight of the Strohl, casually holding it in their direction with one hand. "How about y'all piss off now, eh?" There was some uneasy shuffling and murmuring. I tensed, pulling the trigger ever so slightly in and causing a slightly louder hummmm. The whispering grew more frantic.

KJ tapped me on the shoulder. "Is that your Strohl?"

"Why yes, of course it is. You know there's only one like it in this universe." I whispered back. It didn't seem to encourage him. He shrugged. Suddenly, one of the girls again called out something in Engrish, and we both groaned in unison.

"They're still not buying it."

"ShiiiiiiT!" I had to pull the Strohl up, hard, towards the ceiling as the girls once again surged forward. "Shit! Plug your ears!"

"What!?" KJ yelled back. I mentally groaned. I only had a few seconds to pull this off, I hadn't done it before, and the Strohl was of course just a very fancy 'waved knock off. This was going to suck, it might not work, and KJ well, he'd get over it.

I looked straight at the fangirls and drew a breath. "GO AWAY."

The fangirls stopped and did topple over one another. They then turned and began to walk, and in some cases bolt, as casually as possible, probably deciding that the pair of us really wasn't worth the trouble. I couldn't see him yet, but KJ was probably surprised.

There was a brief moment of very loud silence as the few people still around tried to figure out what they just heard. I simply holstered the Strohl again and pulled my bandana back over my hair, and the noises of the con quickly filtered back in.

"... what was that?" KJ asked after a while, picking up her swords from where she'd dropped them in her haste to cover her ears.

I shugged. Contrary to all expectations, it had worked. Well, of course it had worked, I thought, perhaps a little bitterly. I always felt bad after getting into a fight. Yeah, they were fangirls, but stillWell, this whole thing confirmed what'd been lingering in my head ever since the biomod, and it didn't look like the whole Susan deal was going to go away. If anything, it had gotten worse.

"What was what?" Now that the post-combat irritation was fading, I felt the pleased giddiness that came with knowing that hot damn, I actually *had it*.

"The... whatever you said to make them turn around and leave?" KJ sheathed her blades.

"I just told them to go away. What did you hear? I thought I said to plug your ears." I looked over at her, vaguely curious. Given how loud, or not loud, depending on how you viewed it, the words were, plugging one's ears might not work all that well. What had she heard?

"Well yeah... with my hobbies when someone says to plug your ears you damned well do so. Aaaand... you're not going to answer what the trick is, are you." She smiles slightly.

I smiled back, looking off into the distance. "You might not want me to." And no, I didn't really want people finding out. This kind of thing could be, well, dangerous. Not that I minded that much having it, but other people might

"Well, whatever you say. Argh, damn, what an irritating way to end a conversation... first the sub vs. dub argument, then getting chased around by mostly crazed senshi." At this point she was more griping to herself than anything, it looked like. "And people always think it might be neat to have women chasing you around but when you're one too and they're trying to kill you it really sucks... and I'm not much about the senshi anyway... Seems I owe you a drink or several." KJ broke into most of a grin and started walking in a seemingly random direction.

I chuckled at her. "Poor dear. How's about I buy you a drink? I know a place where most folks of my ken gather...or would you rather have a bottle of cold water?" I grinned and slid into a half jog to keep up. Damn these tall folk and their long legs.

KJ scoffed. "Ugh, water... water's for swimming or showering, not drinking. Lead on, m'lady."

I turned and strode down another pathway. "Good heavens, who said anything about drinking it?" I gave the tall redhead a wink. "Thought you might want to freshen up a bit."

"Oh, I think I'll pass. Cold showers are rather far from enjoyable."

I cackled a little. "Enh, fair enough then. C'mon, right in here." I stepped through the door of a slightly ramshackle building, something that looked old and had been there a while. "Mind yer head!" And it had been, technically speaking; Watch-fen were great for playing with 'wavium sometimes.

KJ ducked under the doorway, probably being used to doing so in either gender.

The place was low and dark, probably only about 8 feet high. There was a scattered group of tables, a few people, a dart board, and a pool table. It doesn't look like much until you look behind the bar, which is *very* well stocked. I love the place. I waved in the general direction of the residents. "Here it is, the Gleaming Bucket. Oi all!" There were a few chuckles and a distant reply of "Oi, Susan!"

KJ looked around approvingly. "No bright colors... a proper pub, dammit." In her Hawaiian shirt, she was possibly the most colorful thing in the room, but no matter.

"No bright colours? Well, granted at the moment. But the Wizards haven't come back yet, or the place would be filled with more Pointy Hats and sequins then you'd be able to guess. " I giggled to myself. "They always dress up for the cons." I giggled some more at the look on KJ's face, as she blinked for a moment and then shook her head.

She sidled up to the bar and took a stool. "Pint of Guinness," she requested of the bartender. "And what do you want... Susan?" She added the emphasis on the last word with a slight grin.

I raised an eyebrow. "Har de har har. The only reason he said that is cause he thinks I can't see him thank you very much you *pozza*!" I shouted to the back of the bar. "But anyways, this is a proper pub. Any kind of drink in fen or 'danespace you can find here. I'll have an Irish carbomb." Mentally, I sighed. Things were bad enough in our little faction when the Watch found out about the hair, but once they found out what happened earlierugh. We're an easy bunch, but we're still fen.

KJ nodded to the barkeep. "What the lady said, please..." and shrugged at me. "Meh, I got ye stupid adventurous streak done a long time ago... otherwise I'd be half tempted to see if they knew a PPC."

I nodded. "Prolly. Don't know it myself, but." I grabbed a pint glass and quickly drained it, the shot glass in side clinking against my teeth. "Damme! That hit it...if the barkeep doesn't know it, someone here does. The Watch is usually a font of information like that."

"Well, ever hear of Battletech?" KJ leaned on the bar and nursed her Guinness

"Naw, not me. You can tell I'm more fantasy oriented." I waved in the general direction of my hair and took a seat.

"Granted. Well, American giant robot tactical wargame thingie... then a whole bunch of people did fiction writing in the universe it took place in. Whole mess of books. Anyway, PPC came from that, named after a fairly nasty particle cannon." There was a faint, fond gleam in her eye as she spoke.

I rolled mine. "Ah huh. Details?"

"Well, the specifics depend on what faction you order. Steiner uses peppermint schnapps, Kurita uses sake, Liao uses plum wine, Marik uses ouzo, Davion uses bourbon, or tequila if in the Capellan March. But it's two shots of that, plus 4 of everclear. It's one of those things that's up there in wisdom with the pan-galactic gargle blaster." Definite grin this time.

I flinched. There was a quiet sniggering from the barkeep at the mention of the Pan-Galatic. Oh gods. Coming up with dangerous drinks in a place like this was just asking for trouble, no doubt by tomorrow there'd be at least three hospitalizations. "Ah, yeah. Now that he's heard it, you can be sure barkeep here's going to remember it. Idly, don't ever ask for the Pan-Galatic Gargle Blaster. We suspect he's 'waved one of the drink mixers."

" 'Waved a drink mixer"

"Yeah. Y'see, in the universe we occupy it's not technically possible to make some drinks made famous by their literary origins." There was a polite snort from my companion. "So the barkeep there" I pointed to where he'd drifted to the storeroom. "him, he decides to make a special mixer, coats it with handwavium, and next thing y'know he's making money hand over fist and has created the first real PGGB."

KJ took a pull from her Guinness. "Nah, like I said, I'm no longer young and stupid."

I giggled. "Well, what do you want to do now, aside from hanging here and drinking? I think those fangirls have given up on you."

"I dunno, maybe we should go back and I could get a grenade launcher with riot baton loads, just in case..." she replied with a grin. I'm pretty sure she wasn't being serious

"Oh, that sounds lovely. Can I help?" I grinned back.

"Joking, joking... besides, I don't have any riot loads." She just gave me an amused look.

"Heh. Well, if there's a way to figure out how to get it to fire fluffy pillows at a reasonable turn of speed..."

KJ finished her Guinness in one long pull and sighed with pleasure. "Well... night is yet young; wanna go see if we can find some more trouble?"

I thought carefully for a minute. "Well, yeah, obviously. You don't want to, ah" I hesitated briefly and blushed. Probably inserting foot in mouth here. KJ looked at me askance, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah?"

"Well, change?" KJ looked down at herself as I spoke. I have to admit, even though I had seen her like this before, enough so that I was getting used to using the female words, it was stillweird. I dunno, it was silly anyways.

She spoke casually. "You get used to it, and I can't really turn back for a while. Well, I could but I'm not going to."

"Oh, sorry."

"Nothing like that. But how much would you imagine in hurts to have your anatomy shift around that much? Well, it actually doesn't... once a day." KJ grimaced, and I winced, nodding in sympathy.

"Yeah, that would suck. Anyways, I heard the some Space Pirates just came in. Wanna go check it out?" I slapped some change on the bar, KJ doing the same. She grinned.

"Hey, that sounds like fun."

"Yeah.oh! One more thing." I pointed behind us as we left the building. "This place is kind of a local watering hole for the Watch. We don't mind visitors, butwell, there's other bars, and we sometimes like to be just alone amongst ourselves. The place moves a lot, has a lot of different names, but if you're in the know it's not too hard to find."

"How's that?" KJ briefly looked over her shoulder in interest. "That place looks like it's been there forevernot that that actually means anything."

I chuckled. "You're right. The whole building's been 'waved. I don't know how, but once he chases everyone out, the barkeep hits a button on the outside, the thing folds up a little, and next thing y'know, it's a old wooden trailer hooked up to a pickup."

"Must've been a hell of a 'wave job." KJ looked impressed.

"Oh yeah. Everytime the name changes the building comes out looking a little different." I shrugged and shifted towards the general direction of the docking area. "C'mon, let's find some pirates."

"Yarrrr."