Hilarity Ensues at the Tipsy Senshi

From FenWiki
Jump to: navigation, search

It's not entirely uncommon for Fens to come and go from a Con. After all, not everyone turns up for the whole thing, and there's usually a fairly constant flow of Fen back to their vehicles for a quick nap (since unlike a Con back on Earth, there's usually no particular reason to accomodate a given time zone and events happen around the clock).

Going all the way out to a vehicle parked well away from Phobos and then coming back a few hours would have probably made a few people suspicious that I was Up To Something, were it not that a significant fraction of Fendom suspect me of that anyway. The truth is that I needed to feed the Saint Bernard.

No, I'm not kidding. She apparently draws energy from my sleeping aboard. REM sleep specifically. I don't recall any dreams and I rather suspect I don't want to.

As usual, I used the excuse of going back to get into costume. I used to always attend as Gendo Ikari, since I already had the beard, but Kandor requires me to admit that it was creepy and that I'll never do it again. (No, really. Treaty of Kandor-con, last year. One of the clauses they snuck in around the issues of Moonbase Alpha's hazardous wastes storage bars me from using the costume.)

So this time, when I climbed out of the Jaime Retief, I was wearing a the costume of a Konohagakure no Sato jonin-sensei.


I waved a quick goodbye to the Professor and his assistants before turning back to Koizumi. For some reason, his smile made me think he found me amusing, in a "I know more than you" kind of way. "Hello Koizumi. I'm Laurent Veilleux and this is Taesha..." "Just Taesha."

I glanced at Taesha, puzzled at the interruption, before shrugging and looking straight at Koizumi, obviously waiting for him to tell me why he came to me. His smile widened annoyingly and gestured for us to follow him as he walked towards a more secluded part of the shop.

We followed him and, after a quick glance around, Koizumi began, "Captains, I was sent to request your assistance."

I arched an eyebrow, traded a glance with Taesha and, seeing that she was as clueless as me, replied, "I can't see what you would need the both of us for, then. Taesha and I have very little in common."

"We - that is, the SOS-dan - would like you and your crew to support Miss Suzumiya's initiative tomorrow. More to the point, we would like you to support the initiative even if it fails to win the vote."

My bewilderment with the oddly smiling man grew even more, "Why?"

"You both have some notoriety amongst the Fen. You, captain Taesha, are fairly well known for the way you left earth and you, captain Veilleux, have one of the most recognised crews."

I groaned. I should really have known that most of my reputation was due to the Drones. Koizumi just kept talking, "Additionally, you and your crews have skills that may be necessary."

Taesha snorted, "You still haven't given any good information y'know? Like Lau said, we don't have much in common so I can't see what you could need the both of us for."

Koizumi smiled again (I really hate that smile) and explained, in an annoyingly roundabout way, that the SOS-dan had acquired significant information regarding the raiders and were planning on organizing a taskforce to deal with them permanently.

I just looked at him like he had just grown a new head. I mean, I could understand that he'd seek out Taesha, she and her crew were pretty good bounty hunters, but, "I'm just a fucking kludger, not a fighter!"

Taesha snorted, "Remember the Drunken Harlock?"

"One bar brawl does not make me a fighter." I waved my hands around for emphasis.

"The Dancing Shinobi."

"Oh all right, two brawls then."

She just coughed. I grumbled, "Oh alright, more than that, but I was barely able to walk away from most of them."

She laughed back, "You're usually the only one that can walk away from them."

"Er... I only did so well because I cheated. I even use my tools as weapons."

"Lau, I saw you beat a Zanbatou wielding psycho with a sledge hammer."

I raised my finger, and froze, unable to find a counter argument that would not be a lie.

"See? You're way stronger than you look."

I looked down at myself, and then back up at Taesha, "That's just because I work almost constantly with Handwavium. And anyway, my ship couldn't fight raiders."

Taesha guffawed, "Ah! You have the Drone catapult and there's no ship that can survive a group of Drones on board for long. Well, except yours anyway."

Oh come on, none of my Drones are crazy or suicidal enough to launch themselves at an hostile ship.

Taesha looked at me oddly, and pointed towards the nearby storefront window. I turned my head to look, and was presented with the odd sight of a Drone balancing several meters off the ground from a rope attached to its neck. It was also in the process of waving a sign that read, Please kill me.

I sat there looking at the Drone for a full minute before turning back to Taesha, Why do you want me to do this so much anyway? Heck, why do YOU want to do it for free?

Taeshas face lost all traces of humour, and I suddenly knew that something was wrong. Taesha NEVER stopped looking like she was having fun unless the situation was serious. She sighed, Thats why I was looking for you. Gabes nowhere to be found, and I havent been able to contact him for months.

Oh, shit. Gabe was a very successful asteroid ferrying specialist, and a good friend of Taesha and I. Knowing him, he wouldnt miss the convention for all the money in the galaxy and would, in fact, have arrived a long time before I ever did, Damn, now I have to look for a new supplier.

I dont think Taesha appreciated my attempt at dark humour because next thing I knew, she had grabbed my head and,

  • WHAM*

Introduced it to the table. She had begun lifting my head and I was getting ready for the second impact when Koizumi interrupted Taesha, Please, he clearly meant to alleviate the atmosphere.

Taesha reluctantly let go of my head, and we both slightly reddened, suddenly reminded that there had been a spectator for our antics. Taesha cleared her throat and looked straight at Koizumi, studiously ignoring me, Count me in.

She then stood up and marched away. I looked at her for a moment, regretting my words a bit. That regret is probably what caused me to also express my support for the SOS-dan. Koizumi smiled, thanked me, and left.

I spent a moment alone, looking at my empty cup, before I left as well. For a few minutes, I wandered around aimlessly, before I spotted a bar, The Tipsy Senshi huh?

I felt a strong need for a drink at that moment, so I walked in.


It wasn't that I didn't like attention. Really. But when about fifty Fen-femmes, mostly of the magical pretty girl persuasion, all come out to tackle and do only Goddess knows what to you... Well, usually fight-or-flight instincts kick in pretty hard. Mom raised me to be a gentleman, so hitting any of them unless they gave me reason to was out of the question, and so I ran.

There are places where most self-respecting MPG's usually never go. A bar is one of these places. To be sure, there are a few exceptions to the rule, but this would keep the vast majority of ravenous fan girls off of me until I could sneak out.

One inparticcular caught my eye, called The Tipsy Senshi. I knew that diving into there was just asking for trouble, but it was the only bar in sight, so I decided to take my chances.

It was actually nicer than I thought. Waitresses went about clad in Sailor Senshi fuku's, the Barkeep put on a pretty good Tuxedo Kamen, and the decore, while certainly pink, was not as garish as one might at first think.

With a weary sigh, I sat down next to a fellow who's face had recently had a close encounter with a table (ouch!) and placed an order for a hard lemonade.


Once I'd digested the morsel of information that Mr Scott (Mr William Scott, fer cryin' out loud) of the DEA had given me, and caught a bit of sleep, I decided not to enjoy what time was left before the moving and shaking began.

Oddly enough, I didn't have too many irons in the fire at the moment. The Venus Terraforming Project was humming along merrily (the new matter notwithstanding), I'd been pretty hands off with regard to Davis-Monthan for the last six months, there were no significant frictions over Moonbase Alpha's nuclear waste storage business (well, no more than usual), and I'd got out of the asteroid mining business a back before Kandor-Con. The Yamato/Konig deal might be interesting, but it was a one-shot deal (well, maybe three-shot deal if they raised all three ships), so it was looking like being rather quiet for the immediate future. Maybe I should look at that hydrogen farming project that I'd heard about...

I resolutely put that aside and began to work my way through the crowds of people and other people that had congregated for the Con. I wasn't actually heading for anyone on the floor though, so once I'd reached a point suitably congrugent to my destination I stopped and pulled a little gadget out of my utility vest, gesturing for those around me to give me a little room.

The gizmo in question was a grappling cable of the kind used for construction work inside of mined-out asteroids. They're very useful in zero gravity, but they have their uses even when there is a gravity field, as I proved when I planted the grapple securely in the roof and had the stout little motor haul me up quickly, using the light swing to move me over to the stand set up by the Village of Hidden Asteroid.

Catching hold of the end of the stand, I released the grapple and waved to the many other ninja congregating here, all by their own means. "Yo," I said waving with my one free hand. "Sorry I'm late. Got lost on the road of life."

I must be losing my touch, I only had to dodge two casually thrown shuriken.


Mal's explanation of what he'd been told provided a lot of clue as to what the whole thing was about, but a lot more questions as well. I knew I was game; damned if I was happy with the idea of anyone preying on other Fen in a large scale fashion, no matter what faction. Details remained to be determined, obviously, and a lot of details there were. Still, I suppose they're be likely to explain tomorrow. That should prove interesting.

Until then, it was a con, and something this wide-scale there'd be bound to be more of the people I'd been exchanging emails with. With that, I wandered back out into the fray.

"Hey Dee, could you ping the racer's mailing list, see who's here? I could have sworn I saw a Jetta on the way in..."

"Sure thing, bosslady." I muttered at that, but wandered towards the section of the town that had bars. And paused in front of one with a medium-sized horde of magical girls and other femmes milling around it. Clearly they had some reason for being there but were unwilling to go into anyplace as disreputable as a bar. Or maybe they were underage. I'd take what I could get.

"Scratch that, Dee. Ben was the one with the... well..." I gestured at the crowd.

"Yep."

"Bingo, then," I grinned as I plowed through the crowd. The Tipsy Senshi was far from the normal sort of place I'd frequent; pink decor not really being to my taste, but the waitresses were pretty. Claiming a barstool, and arranging the swords at my side so that passers-by wouldn't trip over them, I ordered a Guinness and considered the bishounen and the gentleman with the facial damage.

"Let me guess," I said to the first. "You're Ben, right? No, wait, I'm not normally female." That sounded so much less terrible in my head.


I glared at the three quarter empty bottle of scotch, and my reflection glared back. I was finally starting to be pleasantly drunk and I was already running out of alcohol.

Ok, so my habit of only sipping alcohol the second its any good might have something to do with it, but still, I wanted to be so drunk that I couldnt remember that I had volunteered to what amounted to pirate hunting even though I always made a point to avoid fights as much as possible when Im sober anyway.

Someone sat beside me, and I straightened up to look at the new arrival. I arched an eyebrow when I noticed that he was breathing hard, as if he had been running. I poured myself another shot, took a sip, and nodded to him, So, what brings you away from the convention.

"About a hundred rabid, screaming fangirls," he replied after he took a healthy pull off his hard lemonade.

I brushed the bruise on my face, Women.

I thought about it a bit more, before amending, Females.

To punctuate the statement, I took another sip.

"You too?" he asks as he takes another pull on his beverage.

I shrugged, Not that many, but crazier. Violent women are worse than fangirls no matter how you look at it.

"Heh," he replied. "I think I could handle one or two violent girls compared to the some hundred sitting outside this establishment, waiting for me to come out. By the way, the name's Benjamin Rhodes, skipper of the Bullet Boy Express."

Laurent Veilleux, Captain of the Schrottplatz. And I said women, not girls. They get worse with age.

I pointed to my face, You know many girls that could do that?

Ben chuckled and grinned slyly. "A few. Depends on how much handwavium said girl has ingested, along with physical build and temperament."

Mmm I spent a minute in thought, Im not sure how much handwavium Taesha ate, but shes had military training at some point and shes the tallest person Ive ever met so Id say shes way up there in the Dont mess with her scale.

"Military chick, huh? Lucky. The only woman in my life right now is my ship, and if Gina thinks I deserve it, she'll be more than happy to make me eat the steering wheel."

I started with chuckling, and slowly escalated to full blown out laughter. After a while, I calmed down, took a sip, and replied, Woman in my life, Taesha, yeah right. Shes a worse womanizer than James Bond even though shes had a steady girlfriend for the last two years.


I suddenly jerked around at the female voice with an absolutely panicked look in my eyes as I tried to size up what I was up against. After a few comical looking glances side to side, I found that, aside from the wait staff (Which the Tuxedo Kamen Barkeep had been keeping clear with meaningful glares), there was only one present; a Hawaiian T-shirt bedecked tall buxomly type equipped with a daisho. I then sighed heavily with relief.

"Yeah, I'm Ben, and what do you mean that you're not normally female?"