Candy Apple Red's

“	Doesn't surprise me that Christ our Lord preferred to live with whores & sinners, seeing I go in for that myself.	”
—Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, Venetian Epigrams, 1790 (as translated by Jerome Rothenberg)

A house of ill repute, of very good repute

“I’m a cook, that’s what I do, that’s what I know. Where do I work? <sigh> I don’t like to advertise, but I guess I should. I work at Candy Apple Red’s. Yeah, that’s the place. The brothel. <smack> No, I said I’m just the cook and there are no freebies at Candy’s. Get it through your thick skull or I’ll have you banned before you even get there.

“I hate travelling, but sometimes it just has to be done. Like my first trip up to Candy’s. No, I hadn’t gone for the entertainment. In fact, I’d gone for a job interview. As COOK! Clean out your dirty minds there. I knew what Candy’s was. How could anyone living in the Fens NOT know what it was? Oh, that rumour that she actually has an employee that biomodded to a Green Orion Slave Girl – it’s true. All you trekkies out there, yeah, it’s true, her name is Absinthe and you’d better make an appointment.

“The procedure you ask? Why? Are you interested in going to Candy’s? Fine, whatever.

“When you come aboard, you’ll be greeted by Corsair who will give you a quick blood test to ensure you aren’t carrying any STDs. Everyone gets tested, every time, even if you’ve been there before. She will assure you that staff also gets tested frequently (every 2-3 days) and that condoms are available in the candy dishes. ‘waved personal lubricant is not allowed, but there is a small assortment of ‘waved sex toys available for an extra charge.

“Corona is the hostess right now. She’ll make sure you’re comfortable in the lounge, ask if you need something to eat or drink to just go up to the buffet/bar. Very little alcohol is available, and no recreational drugs are allowed. Candy runs a tight ship. You can read as much innuendo into that as you like.

“Right now Absinthe is the only one you won’t see in the dining lounge. She’s the biomodded Green Orion Slave Girl. You need an appointment if you want to meet with her. Lilac and Lavender, elf types, will be flitting from table to table chit chatting. Nekoh-Chan and Miao, the two cat girls, usually start the evening off in front of the fireplace, sometimes curled up around each other. And the two men on board, Tux and Spike, they’ll be around if you need them. They’re both very obvious.

“Oops there’s my flight, I’ve got to go. Nice talking to you.”

(The "cook" is later seen entering a low-slung candy-apple-red classic Corvette hybrid, on the driver’s side. Her companion is a tall tuxedoed gentleman wearing a white mask.)