Difference between revisions of "Legends Begin In Unlikely Places"

Revision as of 22:15, 15 January 2010

I felt kinda bad about it, but if I didn't get out of there fast then I would get pulled to pieces by about a hundred crazed Fen-girls. That's the thing about these girls - they come after you en masse, but the instant you come onto one of them you're a pervert. Looking around, I found the entrance to the kitchen and made a dive for it, confusing the hell out of the wait staff. It wouldn't be long until that confusion shifted to unreasoning desire so I started looking for an exit.

"Back door back door back door there's gotta be a back door to this place!" I muttered inanely.

"This way," said a voice as a hand caught a firm grip on my left wrist. For a moment I was startled and then saw that it was the Tuxedo Kamen Barkeep. The Sailor Senshi staff parted way for the Barkeep like the Red Sea for Moses as he led me to the back door.

"Thanks a bunch," I said fervently to the Barkeep.

"Don't worry about it. I've been in your shoes before. Now get going. The sooner they realize you're gone, the less property damage they'll do."

"Are you insured?" I asked.

"Yeah, and this wouldn't be the first time it's happened either."

Inwardly, I winced at thinking of what his premiums must be like. "Thanks again, sir," I said, giving him a jaunty salute with my right hand as I went through the back door. After the door shut behind me, I could still hear all the femme-fens in the distance. Hopefully, security would bring things under control soon enough and I could venture out of this alleyway. Or I could just move through the alleys.

Just as I was beginning to catch my breath a hand came out of nowhere and grabbed my right arm. "Aha!" a very loud and very female voice cried out. "I knew you'd show yourself sooner or later!"

Oh hell, I thought. I tried to twist my way out the femmefan's grasp. Unfortunately, The Arm With A Mind Of It's Own had other ideas. Using my moment of panic and sensing a female was touching it, it suddenly reacts and glomps the girl's... Uhm...

"GAH!!!" we both scream at once.

"BAD HAND! BAD HAND! NO NO NO!" I yell at the lecherous arm as I force it to let go.

"HENTAI YAROU!" screams the girl once she is free and I suddenly duck a fist from her.

"Oh shit," I mutter as I duck and dodge more attacks. "Look, lady, I'm sorry!" Dodge! "My biomod-" Sidestep! "-has a mind of it's own-" Duck! "-and it has a thing for cute girls!" Contact.

Kerpow!

Ouch. That girl has one hell of an uppercut, I reflect from down on the ground.

The girl then stood over me and said, "And why should I believe any of that?"

As I sat up, my right arm suddenly lunged for her once more. Jeeze, this thing was such a pain. "Okay, that does it. You're grounded!" Some people have noticed that I wear an unusually utilitarian belt and a restraining cuff on my right arm. There was a reason for this, of course. I grabbed the clip that was hanging off the cuff and clipped it to the belt. My arm made several frenzied movements as it tried to break free, but it was no use. The hand lacked the dexterity to undo the clip. Once it figured this out, it sagged in defeat.

"That's why," I said pointedly to the girl. "Hello, my name is Benjamin Rhodes, and this is my lecherous right arm that is actually a lot more useful than it looks. And you would be?"

She then gave me a predatory smile. I did not like that smile. It told me to run, run if you want, but it's too late. "I'm Haruhi Suzumiya," she said, "and you've just been drafted. Welcome to the SOS-dan!"

I raised an eyebrow at this. "You're the SOS-dan? Okay, first off, nobody drafts me. They hire me. Second, what's the Convention call for, anyways? Your letter could have been a bit more well worded."

Her eyebrow started to twitch. Apparently mentioning the letter was the wrong thing to say. Whoops. She grabbed my shirt and hauled me up to a sitting position. "Listen, you," she growled, "I put out a call for heroes to band together and save the galaxy, *not* for you to criticize my writing. And when I say you're drafted, you. Are. Drafted." She gave my shirt a little extra shake for emphasis.

I blinked. "Wait, what? Save the galaxy?"

"From the raiders, you idiot!"

I was getting even more confused. "The raiders are threatening the galaxy?"

"Not yet! But they *could,* and that's the important thing!"

"Wait, hold on. You're telling me that the raiders could be a threat to the galaxy, and that wee need to fight them. I've got that part. But why are you manhandling *me?*"

"Because if we're going to fight the raiders we need a fleet, and if we have a fleet we'll need pilots, and if we have pilots we need a dashing - if lecherous - bishounen leading the pack." She said that with such absoulte authority and in such a reasonable tone that I didn't have an immediate comeback.

"Okay, lemme recap here. You feel that the Raiders are going to become a threat to the Galaxy in general if we don't do something about them and you want me to be Pilot?"

"Isn't that what I just said!?" she yelled in my face.

"Easy there. Just making sure I got it right." she finally decided to let me go at that point. "Now, I got one question for you. Have you given any thought whatsoever about what sort of ship's you're going to be using? Because I've got the greatest idea in mind."

"What are you talking about?"

"Hang on a second," I said as I began to dig through the inside-pocket of my jacket, pulled out a photo, and handed it to Haruhi. It depicted as sharp, sleek, black form, like as if someone made an aircraft in the likeness of a cobra only with a sharp nose, delta wings, and a pair of huge engines. It screamed the word 'FAST' and was flying over a picturesque desert mountain range.

"Very impressive," she said, unimpressed.

"The SR-71 Blackbird," I said. "Fastest Mundane airplane ever built. And if I'm gonna be your bishounen ace pilot, I've got to be flying something that fits my image, right?"

Haruhi gave me a skeptical look. "Are you trying to blackmail me?"

I shrugged. "Think of it as a contract negotation. If you can help me get one of these-" I tapped the photo "-then I'll be your ace pilot. Otherwise, no deal."

Haruhi looked at the photo, looked at me, looked back at the photo. For a long moment I almost thought she'd slug me again and walk off. "Fine," she snapped. "We'll do this your way." She looked over he shoulder. "KYON!"

A man stepped out from behind the bar's dumpster. He looked sort of like Philip Marlowe, only younger and Japanese. "What have you done now?" he asked.

"Kyon, this is Ben Rhodes," Haruhi replied, magnificently ignoring his question. "He's just joined up as our Ace Pilot." She thrust the photo towards Kyon. "He's going to need one of these as his ship. Get one."

Kyon took one look at the photo, and then he looked at me. All I could do was look back. "Um, this could be difficult," he said.

"Do I look like I care?" Haruhi demanded. "Just get it! The future of the SOS-dan and civilization itself depend on it!" Kyon just sighed at this. Obviously he was an old Haruhi hand.

"Allright, allright. I'll get right on it."

Poor guy, I thought to myself. Honestly hate to be in his shoes. Right then, I resolved that if there was one thing I wasn't gonna do, it was be intimidated by this young lady. Though I did have to admit, she was kinda cute despite being a girl who-

That thought was cut short as my right arm reacted to the 'cute girl' thought, straining wildly at the restraints.

"No!" I snapped at my arm. "You did wrong and now you're gonna stay like that for a while!" It slumped once again in disappointment. I looked back to Haruhi, who was eyeing me cautiously.

I shrugged. "Don't blame me, it was The Professor's handiwork. Anyhow, you got me now, but I'll need a few months to work on the Blackbird. I'm going to be having The Professor help me out, maybe one or two others for smaller things. Who will I be reporting to and what will the chain of command be like?" I had to get this information. If I was gonna do this, then I was not gonna let it be some half-assed effort on my part. I was gonna make sure that I was ahead of the game.

"You'll find out at the opening session tomorrow," she said, then turned away. "C'mon, Kyon. We've got more recruits to pick up." Haruhi strode off down the alleyway, adjutant in tow, and vanished into the crowd of fen on the main avenue.

So much for being ahead of the game.

With a sigh I got moving. It sounded like things had settled down at the Tipsy Senshi, so maybe if I was careful and inobtrusive I'd go unnoticed. I dispelled my two remaining shell-bullet spikes on my back, getting a little pick-me-up from the energy I'd reclaimed, and began to make my way to the hotel.

Along the way I stopped at Fred Galagher's stall and picked up a 'Ninj4' hoodie, so I actually managed to get to the Hotel without incident. I wonder why I never thought of it before. Besides, I always liked Fred's work and he thought it was cool to hear that from a BNF like me. I then told him that if he ever needed a ride than it would be on me, so long as he kept doing what he was doing and left him my card.

Once I was at the hotel, I sat down at the complimentary rental laptop I'd ordered and opened a link to Gina.

"Hey there, Bj," said the read headed AI as her window popped up. She then smiled mischievously. "Heard you got some action."

"Ugh, don't remind me."

"Oh, get real. It couldn't have been that bad you whiney baby"

I gave her a level look. "My guess was that there must have been about a hundred and fifty of them."

Gina blinked at that. "Okay, that's a new record. Any other news? Love the hoodie, by the way."

"Thanks. Uhm, well, you remember the SOS-dan, right? Well, their leader decided to draft me for the cause in person. Good news is that I managed to get a Blackbird outta her."

"WHOAH!" she screamed, leaning back from the 'camera'. Suddenly she leaned back forward close enough so I could see the details of her blue-eyes. "You got a Blackbird outta her!? When's it getting here!?"

"Hold on, there's bad news, too. I think I'm gonna be her beck-and-call boy for a while."

"WHAT!" she said, her face a 1000 watt glare all the sudden. "Benjamin, you dumkopf! How could you do something so idiotic!"

"Hey, like as if I had a choice," I said defensively. "It was like facing a press gang!"

"Ugh, Benjamin! You gotta stop being so weak around all those other females," she said, spitting the word 'females' out like it was something vile.

"This coming from someone who is a female herself?" I said teasingly. "Is it just me or are you getting all protective over me?"

Gina's face turned red to match her hair. "Only to make sure that I get to stick around!" she snapped. She then went on with an upturned nose, "You made me and that's all the feelings I have for you."

"Good," I said with a grin. "Then you're one less female I have to worry about."

She suddenly glared at me and bit off something in rude German, then cut the connection. I chortled merrily at that. She'll come back online in a few minutes, ready to talk. When she does, I'll have her get in touch with The Professor, The Jason, The Rockhounds, and Wire Geek. If I was gonna be taking delivery of the Blackbird, then that meant I wouldn't have to blow the money I'd been saving on NASA's 'Bird. That meant I'd have money to blow on more useful things, like a base of operations and power-toys for the Blackbird.

Oh yeah, this was gonna be good.